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Buffalo Bills general manager Brandon Beane hates Hall of Fame talent


The Buffalo Bills recently traded Sammy Watkins, their top wide receiver, for cornerback E.J. Gaines and a second round draft pick from the Los Angeles Rams. The Bills gave up two first round picks and a fourth round selection to get Watkins, so they received considerably less in return for him than they paid. Watkins showed bursts of excellence with the Bills but ultimately was not able to stay on the field long enough to realize his full potential.

Bills fans were stunned by the trade but what was most confusing was these quotes I fabricated by general manager Brandon Beane to the media.

One member of the press asked "What was the motivation for trading a player like Watkins who has the talent to be a Hall of Fame player one day?"

Beane replied "We are not interested in Hall of Fame talent. Have you seen the guys in Canton? Those guys can barely walk anymore, let alone play. We need players who can run not just walk. That's why I sent 90 percent of our scouts down to Kenya to check out the marathon runners. Those guys can run for hours, literally."

The next question was "How much of the trade was based on getting E.J. Gaines back in return?"

Beane quipped "E.J. was a huge part of the trade. We think the world of him. We know we don't have to worry about him getting into the Hall of Fame one day so he should be available for us for years to come."

The media then moved on to the draft pick received. "What do you plan to do with the 2nd round draft pick you got from the Rams?"

Beane replied "We plan to identify a player that we are certain does not have Hall of Fame talent and we are going to do whatever we have to do to acquire that player."

Finally the media tried to understand Beane's anti-Hall of Fame viewpoint, "Are you sure you understand how the Hall of Fame works? Most teams try to draft players who can make it to Canton one day. Some general managers might even say that's the goal. You seem to feel the opposite way. Why is that?"

Beane somberly responded "I don't know why others don't see what I see. The Hall of Fame is cursed and always has been. Seems like the only way to make the Hall of Fame is by retiring. Why would we want players who retire one day? We want players here for the long-run, not quitters. It seems like a no-brainer to me. I'm not sure why the media can't understand this."

The press tried to interject "Sir but the Hall of..."

Beane had had enough. He erupted "Silence! I explained myself once. It's not my fault you are too dense to understand. This presser is over. Beane-crest out!"

Brandon Beane dropped the microphone and returned to seclusion in his office where he holed himself up for days trying to identify more candidates who had zero chance of making the Hall of Fame one day that he could potentially add to the Bills roster.

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