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How Chris Hogan Secretly Became Hulk Hogan

February 17, 2017

 

 

When Chris Hogan played in Buffalo he was a young and innocent former lacrosse player trying to make an honest living playing the game of football. He was a grinder willing to help the team in any capacity including on special teams where he was quite the contributor for the Buffalo Bills. Unfortunately for Buffalo, the year in which Chris Hogan's contract was up they were tight for cash and their dreaded rival the New England Patriots were able to pluck him away with a lucrative offer of $12 million over three years.

 

When Hogan resurfaced on the Patriots he looked a bit different. He was a changed man. Maybe not everyone noticed but Buffalo Bills fans could definitely tell the difference. The old Chris Hogan was gone and instead Bills fans could tell that he had morphed into Hulk Hogan.

 

When Chris escaped Buffalo to go to New England it was like when Hulk Hogan became the first man ever to escape the camel clutch against The Iron Sheik on his way to his first WWF World Heavyweight Championship Belt.

 

The first signs of his transformation could be detected during training camp. He showed up with no sleeves just like the Hulk would. Chris also had some weird answers to some ordinary questions by reporters. When asked "Are you excited to leave the run heavy Buffalo offense in favor of the Patriots offense which passes more?" Hogan replied, "What'cha gonna do when Hulkamania  runs wild on you brother?"

 

When asked if he was worried about making the team he replied "I fear no man, no beast, or evil, brother”.

 

Throughout the season his actions became more pronounced. After touchdowns he could be seen ripping his shirt off, flexing, listening for cheers in an exaggerated fashion and wagging his index finger in opponents faces after getting hit by them.

 

He nearly gave away his cover in a press conference after the Bills shutout victory over the Patriots early in the season. When asked if he had any negative feelings towards his old team after the pregame scuffle he stated "Negativity and Hulkamania are two things that don’t go together.”

 

He finally showed the rest of the world his transformation in the first two games of the playoffs with 275 yards receiving and two touchdowns. His 180 yards and two touchdowns with nine catches against the Steelers was the equivalent of the "Body Slam Heard Round the World" when Hulk Hogan body slammed Andre The Giant.

 

After that game Hogan admitted to his secret when he got spiritual at the press conference and said "God created the Heavens, he created the earth! He created all the Hulkamaniacs! Then, he created a set of 24-inch pythons, brother!”.

 

Hogan then performed an atomic leg drop on the microphone crushing it into a million pieces and walked out of the press conference to the tune of "I am a real Amer-ri-can!" Later that night Hogan would release a sex tape to finally remove any doubt about his new identity and would sue Gawker for millions of dollars.

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