Captain Andrew Luck and his teammates were riding high upon their mighty steeds when they faced the Buffalo Bills this past Sunday. It was a rematch of the "snow game" from last year but this was more like the "no game". The one bit of positive news to come from this game for the Bills is that their offense has been officially declared the cure for insomnia.
Derek Anderson got the start at quarterback for the Bills after Nathan Peterman threw away another chance at getting some playing time by tossing the game winning touchdown pass the prior week to the Houston Texans defense. Despite the change in leadership, things immediately went wrong once again for Bills against the Colts.
On the second play of the game, LeSean McCoy was injured. While it looked like it might be a leg injury, it turned out he would enter the concussion protocol and would be out for the remainder of the game. Although Chris Ivory did quite well in his place, without McCoy the Bills stood little chance of generating much offense.
Any chance they had was erased early on when the Bills were down 6 to 0. Derek Anderson connected with Charles Clay on a pass causing me to jump out of my seat in excitement! A Charles Clay sighting! And he caught the ball! But of course, Clay fumbled and it was returned for a touchdown by the Colts causing my organs to threaten to shutdown my body if I continue to make them suffer through this game. Despite the warning from my body and the obvious health risks that come with being a Bills fan, I decided to fight on.
The Colts notched the two point conversion and took an insurmountable 14 to 0 lead. The Bills had only reached 14 points twice so far this season and it was clear already that today would not be the third time.
Indianapolis officially slammed the door shut on the Bills chances during the remainder of the second quarter with 24 total points. Buffalo's linebackers struggled, especially Matt Milano and Tremaine Edmunds who were caught making many youthful mistakes.
No, not youthful mistakes like getting too drunk at a party and then throwing up all over your front lawn, I'm talking about the linebackers not staying in their gaps which allowed the Colts to dash for 220 total yards on the ground against the Bills on the day. They also got beat in the air with Andrew Luck connecting on 7 straight passes without an incompletion at one point. It was a well rounded beating to say the least, evidenced by the fact that all of my body parts hurt after the game.
By halftime, it was beyond obvious that their was no chance of a Bills comeback. Not even Frank Reich could manage to bring them back with their current offensive personnel. As I was lying down on the couch, I started going in and out of a coma induced by the lack of offensive production by Buffalo. I fought through the entire second half yawning incessantly and trying to hold my eyes open.
If you have blood pressure issues you might not want to read about some of the appalling statistics in this game. The Bills had 5 total turnovers, 2 fumbles lost and 3 interceptions. All of the interceptions came at the end of the halves which is the only silver lining as they were forced to "try" to put up points if you can even consider what their offense did trying. The Colts leveraged those turnovers into 24 points. There is no more telling statistic than Andrew Luck throwing for four touchdowns on only 156 yards. A clear indicator of the great field position generously given to the Colts on each drive by the Bills.
Overall it was a snooze-fest in Indianapolis. Unfortunately it was one where I must have slept on a air mattress because I woke up feeling terrible and completely exhausted from the nightmares I had about the walking un-dead that is the Buffalo Bills offense.
As mentioned earlier, and as proved by my inability to stay fully awake in the second half, watching the Bills offense is a pretty good cure for insomnia. So if you are having trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor about the Buffalo Bills offense and see if it's right for you. (warning side effects include "Sunday depression", "anger outbursts", "random bouts of cursing", and also your spouse may start to hate you for your behavior.)