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Billy Buffalo run out of town by friendlier William Buffalo

September 1, 2018

When Sean McDermott was hired by the Buffalo Bills he made it clear he intended to change the culture at One Bills Drive. One thing he did not make clear is that he also intended to change the mascot. After one season with McDermott, poor Billy Buffalo was pushed aside for a newer, softer looking mascot that is more kid-friendly. It was a cold blooded move by the head coach.

 

Billy Buffalo was introduced to Bills fans in 2000. He was hired off the street where he lived a rough life and struggled to make ends meat. He carried a strange yet indifferent facial expression that seemed to never change. He had big, hairy arms and either painted his nails in all black in true Gothic form, or crimson red like the color of blood. His facial hair had grown out quite a bit over the years with an extra long goatee protruding from the bottom. He didn't have much going for him, but when the Buffalo Bills realized how good he was at murdering inflatable-dolphins while driving an ATV, they couldn't deny his talent and knew they had to hire him. 

Despite this public murder, Billy Buffalo was never charged with a crime for his actions on that fateful day. He would go on to serve the Bills dutifully by making children cry and adults feel weird for 17 years. He'd never held a job longer than a couple of weeks in the past and now he finally had a savings account and retirement seemed like an option one day, even if it was in the distant future. He felt that he had finally gotten his act together and made something of himself. That's when he got the phone call from Sean McDermott.

 

McDermott said, "Hey Billy. I don't know how to say this so I am just going to be blunt. The other day my daughter told me you have a scary face and we should make your face go away. So I explained to her we can't make your face go away but we can make you go away. So with that said, you're fired."

 

Billy didn't know how to respond. He wondered if this was a joke but the tone of McDermott's voice told him that this was real. He had so many thoughts and things he wanted to say. He reached for words but all he could come up with was, "Who is going to replace me?"

 

McDermott replied, "We found a guy who normally goes by William Buffalo who has no problem if we call him Billy for short. He's a lot like you but he showers more, has less hair on his arms, doesn't make kids cry, his horns aren't as threatening, he trims his beard with the precision of a Brooklyn hipster and he has a smile that would melt even the coldest of hearts!" 

 

Billy was heartbroken that he was being replaced. Like a jealous ex-lover he needed to see a picture of the mascot that replaced him for closure. He shot back, "All I ask is that you send me a picture of him. I want to see for myself what I'm being replaced with."

 

McDermott replied, "Sure. I'll text you a picture as soon as we hang up which actually is right now. Bye Billy."

 

McDermott hung up the phone and sent Billy the picture. Seconds after their phone call, Billy Buffalo felt his phone vibrate and looked down. While he was still shocked and upset, he had to admit, the smile of the new Billy Buffalo is truly something special!

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