The Buffalo Bills recently played their first preseason game which means the NFL regular season is just weeks away. The team dusted off some of their rust and overall looked pretty good. The players aren't the only ones who need to get in shape for the year, we as fans do too. Let me explain to you how I prepare myself for a new Bills season.
First, and most importantly, I train so I can eat more wings. I start off with small orders of 10 in the beginning of preseason and try to work my way up to 20 by the time the season starts. The same can be said for beer intake but in lower amounts. I will regularly eat wings and have beers around 1pm on Sunday's in August so my body is ready come September.
Next, I have to start compiling a list of reasons why my wife shouldn't divorce me, despite my immature behavior and obnoxious yelling during Bills games. Ultimately, I'm going to piss her off to the point where she wants to get rid of me and these important reasons to stay should hopefully save our marriage.
Speaking of that obnoxious yelling, it's time to start pre-writing apology cards to the neighbors. I usually keep them generic like, "Sorry for screaming the F word so loud that your young children could hear it through the walls of our apartment building. I will try to be better. No promises. Go Bills!"
Lastly, I have to start voice training to warm up my vocal chords for the season. What good is yelling at a television if only some of your neighbors can hear? I want to share my anger and joy with all of the neighbors in my apartment building. No one can say I don't unite the community, even if it's against me.
Once I've completed the voice training, I feel pretty prepared for the season. I'm now ready to eat wings, drink beer, yell at the TV, apologize to the neighbors and beg my wife for forgiveness. Ahhhhhhh, football is back!