Recently, the Buffalo Bills announced their training camp schedule which will take place at St. John Fisher College. This year, they added a new aspect which includes several theme days. Those days are Christmas in July, Princess and Super Hero Day, Wild West Day, Military Appreciation Day, One Buffalo Day and of course, Pirate Day!
Despite releasing these themes, the organization did not elaborate on that would actually mean for those training camp days. Rather than try to uncover the real story by calling the Bills and asking the proper questions, I decided I would instead wildly speculate about what could possibly happen on each of these dates. So here goes...
Christmas in July
Terry Pegula Claus is coming to town with big fat training camp bonuses for his players. His most trusted elf, Sean McDermott, has been spending overtime in Santa's Workshop to make sure all the presents are ready for when the jolly old man shows up with Christmas cheer five months too early. Sounds of children crying and screaming while sitting on Santa's lap will reverberate across Lake Ontario into Canada.
Princess and Super Hero Day
Several Bills players will dress up including LeSean McCoy who will bust out his Superman cut off shirt like he did back at Pitt a long time ago. Kyle Williams will play the role of Captain America. Jerry Hughes will be the Incredible Hulk and no you don't want to make him angry. Tre'Davious White will attend in full Spider-Man getup, leaping around the field and using his spidey webs to knock the football out of the air. And what about the princesses you ask? Well of course, the veterans on the team will make the rookies dress like the pretty little princesses that they are.
Wild West Day
Will Smith will attend practice and perform his "hit" song "Wild Wild West". He will perform the song continuously for the duration of practice much to the dismay of the fans in attendance. The team will settle close position battles on the roster with old western style duels rather than evaluating their talent any further on the football field.
Military Appreciation Day
After a military jet flyover, the team will parachute into the training camp facility. St. John Fisher College will be set up as the world's largest outdoor laser tag facility and the offense will play the defense for supremacy in the most over-budget game of laser tag of all-time. Some players will let their competitive spirits get the best of them, but none more than Tremaine Edmunds who will be dropping lines from the movie Rambo while running around like a lunatic and making his own machine gun noises while shooting others with his laser.
One Buffalo Day
One love, one heart, let's get together and feel alright! The Bills will throw an all out hippie festival for One Buffalo Day with island music blasting, drum circles for days, the unique aroma of festival attendees who have not showered in days and of course, just for one day, marijuana is legalized at the practice field. There is no truth to the rumor that former Miami Dolphin, Ricky Williams will consider coming out of retirement to attend practice that day.
Jerry Seinfeld will be kidnapped and hung up in a cage above the field dressed as a pirate. He will end up in such an emotionally distressed state that he will keep repeating the famous line from Seinfeld "I don't want to be a pirate." Sean McDermott will do his part by attending practice dressed as Steve the pirate from the movie Dodgeball. Parrots will roam free in the sky above the field searching for plunder that they can bring back to their pirate masters. Fans will look on as Josh Allen gives the ball the old "heave-ho" the entire afternoon. And to top it all off, the old salt, Terry Pegula, made a wise business decision by making Chips "Ahoy" the sponsored snack of the day.
At the moment it doesn't seem like anyone outside of the organization knows what will happen on these theme days, but I'd be shocked if I wasn't at least 99 percent accurate in my predictions above.