Free agency is still open but the Buffalo Bills have made most of their moves. There is a lull at the moment before the NFL Draft. I've been filling my time by reading an obnoxious amount of 2018 NFL Draft Profiles which caused me to wonder to myself, what would my own draft profile look like?
For some reason, I did not receive an invitation to work out at the NFL Combine this year. I'm not sure why the scouts weren't excited about a 34 year old who hasn't played football since 7th grade and has a 160 pound frame. The typical draft profile done by NFL.com includes strengths, weaknesses, a bottom line and some measurables so I decided to have some fun and do one for myself.
Weight: 160 lbs
Hand Size: 8.5 inches
Arm Length: 33 inches
School: Villanova University
Position: Lying down on couch
Prospect Grade: 0.1 out of 10
Round Projection: Sure. I'll have another round!
Dennis is a team player. He was born the youngest of 10 children and so he's had to work with multiple personalities in a confined space for most of his life. Some scouts consider him a glue guy because if he sits his ass down on the couch, he'll glue it down and not move for hours. He's a multi-dimensional talent, or put more specifically -- three dimensional. He shows his versatility by being able to watch the Buffalo Bills on whatever channel they pop up on such as CBS, FOX, NBC, NFL Network and ESPN. He likes animals, long walks on the beach and...well I've digressed.
As mentioned earlier, Dennis is the youngest of 10 children so he is more of a follower than a leader. He has an extremely poor diet with too many fried foods and not enough fruits or vegetables. He suffers extreme bouts of anxiety when mysterious vegetables show up on his plate in restaurants getting too close to the real food. He has too thin of a frame at 6'0 and 160 pounds. Some scouts believe he is lazy as he tends to nap as often if not more than his own cat. He is an independent thinker who does not take direction well. He has an injury history including fractured ribs, fractured radius, wrist fracture and multiple severe paper cuts from the office.
Dennis does not have a single attribute which would make him a good football player. The one good thing is he is smart enough to know his place in this world and that's why he will continue to observe games from his couch with a beer in hand where it is safe and he can't be hurt, rather than risk it all for a shot at the big time. Cheers!