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Buffalo Bills QB relationship status: it's complicated

March 4, 2018

When it comes to quarterbacks, we as Buffalo Bills fans have been in many unhealthy relationships in the past. Trying to find the quarterback of our dreams has been very difficult as of late. This offseason there are many eligible bachelors in the draft, in free agency and even on our own roster to consider as potential options. Let's compare most of the major players who could potentially win our hearts as well as the starting job in the offseason.

 

On the Roster:

 

Tyrod Taylor - He's the safe pick that we know we can always fall back on but he's boring. He'll never break our hearts but he also rarely scoops us off our feet and takes our breath away like we want the man of our dreams to.

 

Nathan Peterman - The first date with Nathan Peterman went awful. He let his nerves get the best of him and he had a bit too much to drink. Not the best first impression but we still want to consider giving him a second chance at some point, we just aren't sure when we think he will be ready.

 

Free Agency:

 

Ryan Fitzpatrick - He's the guy we made a friendship pact with many years ago. If neither of us are married to anyone else by June, we'll agree to settle down together. It's hard to look forward to that.


Kirk Cousins - Sure he looks good and we've seen him act like the man we've always wanted the past two years but recently he became aware of how eligible of a bachelor he is and it has gone to his head. He probably won't even give us the time of day anymore even if we were interested in him.

 

A.J. McCarron - We've only seen him three times (starts) since 2013 but back when we dated in college things went pretty well. Now we have to wonder should we give him another shot after all this time?

 

Case Keenum - He's a bit nerdy and never really caught our attention but after watching him dance beautifully with a bunch of Vikings we are starting to see him in a new light and wondering if maybe we have overlooked him in the past.

 

Teddy Bridgewater -  We had high hopes for him but this was like a long distance relationship where our schedules never matched up. He was never healthy at the right time and it made it difficult to date. If he would make himself more available and put some energy into staying with us on the field, we think we could prosper together.

 

Sam Bradford - We met him after his marriage with the Rams didn't work out. He seems nice although we don't understand why he was so highly touted before the Rams snatched him up. He's 30 years old and has never thrown for more than 4,000 yards and has broken the hearts of his fans 11 more times than he made them happy as a starter. We are desperate so he's still in consideration.

 

In the Draft:

 

Lamar Jackson - He's like a really good guy who has been stuck in the "friend zone" for way too long. On paper there is no reason why he shouldn't be the man and quarterback of our dreams but others still don't see him in that light and think he is nothing more than a wide receiver. Their opinions cause us to second guess our own.

 

Josh Allen - He's like an on-again, off-again boyfriend to us. The best moments are the highest of the highs and his worst moments are the lowest of the lows. This relationship might be too unstable for us.

 

Baker Mayfield - He's a blue collar guy who is a little rough around the edges. So what if he can't pronounce the name of that french wine properly? He has all the tools to make us happy but sometimes his crudeness can slip out in front of the family and so we are unsure about him being the one.

 

Josh Rosen - He's the type of guy who orders dinner for us because he thinks he knows what we want. He thinks he's the smartest guy in the room and while sometimes he is, he needs to learn to tone it down if he wants things to work out in the long-term.

 

Sam Darnold - He's the boy next door who our parents always wanted us to marry. He's consistently been the favorite player to be drafted first overall this year. The issue here is we see him making the same mistakes he was making as a kid (turnovers) and now we wonder if he will ever grow out of that phase.

 

Mason Rudolph - He dated around in college and never got seriously involved with anyone where he would need to read their feelings (go through progressions) and react properly like a gentleman signal caller. Maybe he can mature at the next level but we would be taking a huge chance if we chose him.

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