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Buffalo Bills win the Toilet Bowl against Jets

September 10, 2017

The Buffalo Bills and New York Jets faced off in Orchard Park earlier today in a game that was described by some as the "Toilet Bowl" since both teams are suspected of tanking by at least part of their own fan bases. What the Jets are doing is far different from the Bills though. One of the phrases you hear around the Jets fan base is "suck for Sam" which is either a call for them lose every game so they can draft quarterback Sam Darnold or possibly the name of a very gross porno, I can't tell.

 

The "Toilet Bowl" lived up to its billing for the most part. The first quarter ended with no score. The most exciting play was when Tyrod Taylor threw a ball which was tipped for an interception in the red zone. The ball was picked by Juston Burris  who returned it before getting tackled by his own teammate in the most "Jetsy-est" of fashions. 

 

Eric Wood then tackled Burris causing a fumble and the Bills recovered the ball. It should have been a turnover since Burris wasn't touched by a Bills player when he fell down, but the refs took pity on the Jets because well, they are the Jets, and so they decided to instead rule that Burris was down and to call a penalty on Wood for contact after the play was over.

 

The Bills took the lead in the 2nd quarter on a 1 yard touchdown pass. Steven Hauschka paid tribute to their old kicker Dan Carpenter on his first extra point by putting some serious spin on it causing me to hold my breath for a second before it finally went through the uprights. He would miss a 46 yard field goal later in the quarter which also had serious spin in the other direction, continuing his Carpenter impression. Hey, at least he was committed to it.

 

The Jets ended up getting two field goals while still struggling to move the ball all half. It ended 7-6 in favor of the Bills. The Jets only managed three first downs if you don't include penalties in the first half. Below are my first half stats for the game:

 

Beers Drank: 3

Wings Eaten: 15

Noise Complaints from Wife: 0

Noise Complaints from Neighbors: 0

Bills 7 - Jets 6

 

The second half started out just as boring as the first. Here are the first six words of my second half notes. Keep in mind these six words describe almost the first five minutes of the half. Jets receive. Jets punt. Bills punt. Riveting stuff right?

 

There was finally a little excitement in the 3rd quarter when Tyrod Taylor connected with Jordan Matthews on a 47 yard pass. The 6'3" Matthews was covered by Buster Skrine who is 5'9" and he abused him like he was his little brother on the play. The drive ended with another 1 yard touchdown pass, this time to Andre Holmes making Taylor the league leader in 1 yard touchdown passes this season. The Bills took the lead 14 - 6.

 

The Jets came back, finally getting a big play for 22 yards down to the Bills 9 yard line. The next play they completed a pass which was ruled a touchdown but upon further review it was clear the refs were taking pity again on the lowly Jets and that the receiver stepped out of bounds short of the end zone. After some unsuccessful attempts to score, the Jets found the promise land on 4th and 1 with a McCown run up the middle. They went for two but the pass was picked off by Ramon Humber so the Bills retained a 14 to 12 lead which is how the 3rd quarter ended.


LeSean McCoy had a big run and Nick O'Leary a long catch to start off the fourth quarter for the Bills. They would end the drive handling off the ball to Mike "Rumblin Tumblin" Tolbert who scored from the 1 yard line. This was the Bills third touchdown from the 1 yard line this season.

 

On the play before the touchdown, LeSean McCoy appeared hurt on the sideline. He disappeared into a mysterious blue tarp tent and would emerge later to re-enter the game as if nothing happened. I will never stop wondering what transpired inside that magical tent with the blue tarp.

 

The Jets tried to fight back the rest of the game but unfortunately for them they had to pass. Josh McCown was floating up the ball like the MetLife blimp. I wonder if he gets any sponsorship money for that? He tossed up a pair of interceptions to the Bills new safeties Jordan Poyer and Micah Hyde. Hyde's interception sealed the game.

 

The Bills start off the Sean McDermott era with a win and in sole possession of the AFC East Crown at 1-0. Is it too early to call McDermott the G.O.A.T.? Nah, not for Bills fans. Finals stats for the game:

 

Beers Drank: 6

Wings Eaten: 18

Noise Complaints from Wife: 1

Noise Complaints from Neighbors: 0

Bills 21 - Jets 12

 

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